Thoughts, In No Particular Order

I keep saying, it's been busy.  And it has, but busy and a bit on the draining side right now.  So, in sort of but not necessarily chronological, order, here's what's going on.

- As of last week, the baby blanket is not complete.  Seen here last week, it's as far as I am going with the log cabin.  I'm adding a black applied i-cord to finish it and am a little more than 25% complete.  I sort of feel like I should have more of the teal, but I just couldn't deal with that much more knitting.  (Would have required 2 more sections - black and teal and then the i-cord.  Hopefully the kid will still love me.)

- The kid, by the way, is done.  He arrived last Tuesday morning, as irritated by the process as his big brother was (although it took two days to get a picture of him flipping off the world, not pictured here though.)  Anyway, this is young Ian Conrad.

- I spent weekend before last in Michigan for Father's Day.  It was good. 

- Last week, I was invited to attend one of the Navy Band's concerts at the Navy Memorial.  Actually, the concert is open to the public; I was invited to the reception before the concert by my former boss.  It was great, except that I was the most junior invited guest - and the only female guest in uniform (there was one working the event.)  Also - my boss was there, and he didn't know I'd been invited.  Thankfully, he's a great guy and I ended up sitting next to him for the concert.  After the reception, we moved outside to the reserved seats, and listened to the band.  We had a great time, but nobody had a better time than these ladies - specifically the one in the green and white shirt right under the glare of the spotlight and the seatmate you can't actually see...

They arrived a bit late to the concert and when she saw a couple of open spots towards the front, she hopped in...right into the reserved section.  She realized what she'd done when she sat down and went to leave, but the folks around her called her back and had her sit back down.  It was pretty amusing to see her totally rocking out to the music while we military types in uniform (and the equally sedate spouses present) clapped on cue but were otherwise pretty still.  I think we all enjoyed them and they had a story to tell.  (BTW, I was one of two non-flag officers invited - so they were surrounded by a sea of guys with gold shoulder boards.)

- While last week was busy, it was not at the pace of the two weeks before, which was good.  I still only managed one workout though.  Saturday I did yoga and then trapeze.  The straddle just is not my trick and I'm going to try something else because my frustration level was starting to push me too far.  I know when to give up and will come back to it later when I've re-gained my confidence.

- On Thursday my co-worker went with her husband to the doctor because he had been sluggish and was bruising easily.  He walked out with direction to stop at home, pack a bag and the people at the emergency room would be waiting to admit him.  He started chemo Saturday morning with a diagnosis of Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, which it turns out has a moderate survival rate.  His future will be essentially a month of hard core attack with up to three years of further  treatment, including the single-shot possibility of a bone marrow transplant (hopefully from one of his brothers.)  I'm the designated person in the office to collect funds and provide something that conveys our best wishes.  I've got well over $200 from my co-workers and pledges of more (mostly un-solicited, when something happens, we just assume someone will collect money.  And someone does.) 

I went out today and spent about $90 of that on a stuffed monkey to hold a small basket that I have filled with some chocolates, lavender hand sanitizer and soap (for her); Kindle gift certificate and ginger chews (hopefully useful for him) and dog treats for their three dogs who will be missing their owners a great deal in the coming days.  The Amazon certificate was more than half of the total - he's going to be stuck in the hospital for at least a month and for a guy who was riding a Harley and running road races two months ago, this is a huge culture shock.   I'm going to save the rest for stuff through the next month of intensive treatment.

We had a long talk this afternoon - neither of them has ever had any experience with someone going through chemo, so I talked a little bit about what I remember.  I'm thinking that I'd like to put together a small notebook with some further thoughts or advice from people who have gone through this, because she is really grasping for information right now.  So far I've told her:

• Keep a notebook and write down everything the doctors say and who says what, so that you can check back when you need to. 
• Ditto with lists of things to do because trauma affects your short term memory.
• Food tastes different during chemo, some things he loved he won't like now and you'll need to be prepared to experiment with food in order to keep him eating.
• He's going to feel miserable. Let him vent when he needs to, but know that it's coming - especially since the nasty drug comes tomorrow. 
• Make sure that when he's given pain killers (or other drugs to counteract the side effects,) that he takes them instead of trying to gut out the pain. There's no point in him being more miserable than he has to be.
• Deal with the physical effects, but don't neglect the emotional - remember the family, friends and co-workers who will be there to support but also consider a therapist to help deal with the huge change in lifestyle they're experiencing.
• They have standing offers from our office mates for food, house care, pet care and transportation for the brothers who will be in and out - and we've already discussed setting up daily shifts to help so that she needn't think she would be dominating anyone's time.

 I was never a caregiver, just a visitor during the process for both my Dad and for my uncle.  What else should I tell her?

Comments

[Shanti's Mommy]

Her family needs to remember that SHE is a victim of this disease as much as her husband is. She's going to need some TLC too.

Be sure her husband takes the nausea meds BEFORE the nausea actually starts ... there is no playing catch-up.

Understand that he may want some particular food one minute, only to find that it doesn't sound good when she serves it to him. It's not her, it's the drugs.

If she can get him into some kind of a support group, it will help him realize that there are others out there who REALLY understand because they are going through it too.

[Cathy]

I have no advice, but your colleague is lucky to have such caring, thoughtful co-workers. That's going to mean so much to her and her husband as they fight through this.

The baby blanket is GORGEOUS!! And little Ian is pretty cute too.

[Susanne]

She needs to take care of herself too. She is the caregiver and will feel like she should be THERE and ON all the time. Her health is important and she needs to remember that. That crappy disease has an impact on everyone and with the help, love & support of her co-workers and family, I am sure she will be much better for it.

[Kathy in San Jose]

Make sure that he drinks LOTS of water. He needs to flush the drugs out of his system after they've done their work.

Also make sure your coworker takes some relaxation time for herself, away from the hospital. Your friend will run herself ragged for him, and will need some time for herself. Spa/massage gift certificate, manicure/pedicure, even a trip to the mall can do wonders. Does she knit? Gift certificate to the yarn shop...

[Jeri Mihm]

because their brains will be exhausted, I suggest they have all their bills drafted from their bank account so they don't forget to pay them, at least the utilities! I promise, this was a lifesaver when we were going through a long, traumatic illness. It will bring them peace of mind. You are such kind friends to be so concerned and I think you're wonderful!

[Paulette]

Please let your co-worker know to take care of herself. My best friend's husband passed this last month from this. Eighteen months from diagnosis. It is hard on the entire family.

As a side note: I have always loved reading your blog. My father was in the Navy for 28 years, my brother for 17, and my son will graduate from boot camp on Thursday. Your blog has always intrigued me, and brought home many memories.

[kaet]

what a good friend you are...helping them through this hard time. and that basket sounds like a mix of the perfect things for the entire family.